Megan Taylor Meier was born on November 6, 1992 & was said to have come into the world loud & determined to have her own mind & to make a difference. Megan was outgoing & one of her greatest loves in life was her four & a half pound Chihuahua, Barry White. Initially Megan & her sister Allison had begged their mom Tina for a dog but she stood firm on her decision of a “no” until they saw Barry. He was six months old & it was love at first sight for the entire family. He buried himself under Megan’s covers each & every night as they went to sleep together; their love was very much mutual. Megan was raised by parents, Ron & Tina Meier in Dardenne Prairie, next to the town, O’Fallon & thirty miles west of St Louis, Missouri. Ron worked as a tool-and-die maker & Tina was a real estate agent. The two met in the second grade & went to prom together in high school; they got married in 1990 when Tina was nineteen & Ron was twenty. Two years later, Megan was born.
In 1994, the family moved to a new house in the Waterford Crossing subdivision onto Waterford Crystal Drive. The neighborhood was very friendly, people gathering in each other’s driveways to talk & have a drink.
In 2004, Tina had sold a house only four doors down from her own to Curt & Lori Drew who had a daughter the same age as Megan. During that year, the fickle friendship between Megan & their daughter, Sarah Drew began. The Drews’ daughter was described as prim & obedient whereas Megan could be more wild & domineering in personality & these differences caused clashes in their friendship. The pair would hang out all day Friday & Saturday & by Sunday, Megan wanted her space which then left the Drews’ daughter feeling rejected. Tina felt that this also upset Lori & Curt. The tense situation was intensified by the close proximity of their houses & the tight knit community. According to some neighbors, the Drews had never been particularly popular within the neighborhood & were often considered to be a local inconvenience. Lori was felt to be annoying though never seemed to have a cruel streak but was described as helicopter parent. They seemed pushy & often wanted to be included in everything going on within the community. Two of the neighbors even created a signal so that they could be excused when conversation with the Drews was lingering. Regardless, Tina made sure to remind Megan that she had to be kind & not just call the Drews’ daughter when she had nothing better to do. The friendship ended up fading out & hard feelings remained.
In 2006, Megan was thirteen-years-old & a typical teenage girl who loved playing with make-up, wearing shiny lip gloss, dark eye-liner, shopping with friends, watching MTV & scary movies, boating & all animals, especially dogs. Megan had her share of struggles in childhood, battling depression & for years, trying to lose weight & dealing with attention deficit disorder. Tina recalls that Megan’s attitude & mood could change on a dime; she might enter a room happy & up-beat & something could affect her & she would just switch. When Megan was in third grade, she saw a therapist after she had talked about suicide, telling her mom she wanted to kill herself. She was prescribed three medications; Celexa as an antidepressant, Concerta for ADD & Geodon to stabilize her mood. Tina feels a lot of Megan’s troubles were related to her weight & Megan feeling that she was never enough. As young as kindergarten, Megan would compare her body to others & made a comment about the size of her legs compared to other girl’s legs.
Tina said that Megan had good times too & wasn’t depressed every step of the way. She was known around her neighborhood as fearless, playing with the frogs that other kids were scared of. She was loud & funny, laughing with theatrical air-sucking gasps. She was also kind & became a self-appointed guardian to a blind classmate, leading him through the halls between classes. Tina indicated that sixth grade “wasn’t horrible” for Megan though seventh grade was a “mess.” She was trying desperately to fit in & wanted to look more mature
At the time of this story, things were going very well for Megan; she’d left the Fort Zumwalt School District & began eighth grade at a new school, Immaculate Conception in Dardenne Prairie, Missouri where she joined the volleyball team. When Tina & Ron made the decision to transfer Megan from public school to Immaculate Conception for eighth grade, where the classes were smaller & uniforms were mandatory, they say that the change was wonderful. Megan stopped stressing so much about her hair & makeup though soon started asking if she could open a MySpace account to chat with friends.
Ron & Tina were hesitant to agree as just the year before, Megan & Sarah had set up a MySpace account on the sly & without permission. A cousin of Tina’s discovered the account that featured a Playboy bunny icon & let Tina & Ron know. They didn’t mention any of this to the Drews. Another time, 47-year-old Lori Drew was sifting through her phone bill & noted a series of calls to New York. When she investigated, her daughter informed her that Megan had placed the calls to talk to a boy they’d met online. This incident was also never discussed between the Drews & the Meiers.
Megan was very persistent & continued to ask her mom if she could open a MySpace account, “Please, for my fourteenth birthday, can I get a MySpace account if you approve of what’s on there?” Tina & Ron eventually agreed but with stipulations: 1. Ron & Tina would only know the password 2. It has to be set to private 3. They had to approve the content 4. They had to be in the room at all times while Megan used MySpace. On September 13, 2006, the profile Megan Babi went live. Megan chose “prettynbling16” for her instant-messaging name. She wrote: “I’m in 8th grade at icd school. I’m goin to st. dominic high school. Um, I like hip hop dance and I love to shop. Ya theres really hott guys at my school they are fine!!!”
Being only thirteen, Megan was technically not old enough to set-up a MySpace account which requires a user to be at least fourteen. However, MySpace didn’t institute any effective means of enforcing age restrictions. All you need is an email address to sign up & unlike Facebook, users are not required to identify themselves with a first & last name. In mid-September of 2006, Megan received a friend request from Josh Evans. In his profile, Josh is said to be sixteen-years-old & stand at 6’3”, he has a great chest, dislikes sushi (“no, eww”), prefers Coke to Pepsi, owns a “trillian” CDs & liked his pizza with “green peppers, pepperoni, sausage OH YEAH.” Tina indicated that Josh’s picture was adorable; he had big blue eyes, very cut features & brown wavy hair. Megan begged her mom to allow her to accept his friend request & she eventually relented. Over the next six weeks, Megan & Josh became acquainted through the page with Tina keeping a watchful eye over the situation & warned Megan that “Josh” could be anyone.
Megan had struggled with her weight & a low self-esteem throughout life & she found this budding relationship with Josh to be thrilling. She would rush home from school, eager to log onto the computer to catch up with him. It was Sunday, October 15, 2006 when Megan received an odd & out-of-the-blue message from Josh indicating that he wanted to end their friendship. It read, “I don’t know if I want to be friends with you anymore because I’ve heard that you are not very nice to your friends.” Megan was completely befuddled & frantic & immediately wrote back, “What are you talking about?” Megan’s anxiety escalated & she sent five messages between 8:57 pm & 9:05 pm, trying to figure out what Josh meant.
The next day, October 16, was a gloomy, rainy day & Megan headed to school & handed out invitations to her birthday party; she would be turning fourteen in less than a month. The party was to include a game of flashlight tag around the neighborhood. At 3:20 pm, Tina picked Megan up from school & dropped her off at home & Megan asked her mom if she could log onto her MySpace account to see if Josh had responded to her. She wanted to understand where his comment was coming from & why he thought she was mean; who had he been talking to in order to come to this conclusion?
Tina signed on but was distracted & in a hurry at the time, needing to get Allison to her orthodontist appointment. As she rushed to get out of the house, Tina could see that Megan was upset because Josh was still sending troubling messages. The situation was escalating since he began sharing Megan’s messages with others. Tina recalls that she asked Megan to log off her account & Megan told her she would, saying she was finishing up. Pressed for time, Tina left the house with Allison. Meanwhile, Ron had worked the early shift & was napping upstairs. While at the orthodontist, Tina called Megan & asked her if she’d logged off. Megan explained that she hadn’t & said that “they” were all being mean to her. Tina was getting frustrated & demanded that Megan log off as she’d already asked her.
Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mom & she was in tears, telling Tina that they were posting bulletins about her. A bulletin is like a survey & these had titles such as, “Megan Meier is a slut.” “Megan Meier is fat.” Megan was sobbing & meanwhile, Tina was angry that she had still not logged off. When Tina came home from the appointment at 5 pm, she headed down to the basement where the computer was located & found Megan in a state of distress. She was shocked by the vulgar language she saw Megan using in response to what she’d seen on MySpace; she had called another girl a slut. Tina expressed to Megan that she was extremely aggravated that she was doing this & they got into an argument about it. Tina noted that someone had sent a message calling Megan fat & saw that Megan had responded, “I’m skinny now.” Megan turned to leave but before she did, she said to her mom, “You’re supposed to be my mom. You’re supposed to be on my side!”
As Megan headed up to the second floor, she ran into her dad, Ron, on the stairway. She told her dad that some kids were saying terrible things about her & she couldn’t understand why. Ron assured her that all would be okay & it was clear that these people obviously didn’t know her.
While Ron went downstairs, Megan headed up. He met Tina in the kitchen where she was cooking dinner & they discussed the situation & what happened on the MySpace account. As Tina continued about the kitchen, getting dinner ready, she said she experienced a sudden God-awful feeling that made her freeze mid-sentence. She stopped what she was doing & ran upstairs to check on Megan. When she entered her room, she found Megan in her closet. She saw her immediately since Megan had recently persuaded her dad into taking the closet doors off so she could replace them with sheer purple curtains. Megan had used a cloth belt that Tina had just purchased from Old Navy & hung herself from a closet organizer. The next day, October 17, only three weeks before her fourteenth birthday, Megan tragically died.
Later that horrific day, Ron logged into Megan’s MySpace account & saw what he believes to be the final message that Megan saw. It was from Josh & from what Ron could recollect it said, “Everybody in O’Fallon knows how you are. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you.” In the meantime, Tina & Ron were trying to process the grief of suddenly losing their daughter in such a horrific way. They saw a grief counselor & went to a couple of Parents After Loss of Suicide meetings. They also tried to message Josh Evans, telling him just how deadly & powerful words alone can be. They were unable to do so since his account had been deleted.
Six weeks after Megan died, on November 25, 2006, the phone rang & on the other line was a neighbor from down the street, one they did not know very well named Michele Mulford. She asked Tina & Ron to meet that morning at a counselor’s office in northern O’Fallon. She wouldn’t give any more information though insisted that they come to this meeting. When Ron & Tina arrived, the grief counselor was there as well as a counselor from Fort Zumwalt Middle School. Michele was a single mom who had a daughter that was Megan’s age. She told the Meiers that Josh Evans didn’t exist. She said that his account & persona was created by Lori & Curt Drew who created the account with the input of their thirteen-year-old daughter Sarah as an eighteen-year-old girl who worked for them, Ashley Grills.
Michele said that her daughter carpooled with Curt & Lori & Michele confessed that her daughter had the password to the account & was the one that had logged in & sent the message Megan received from Josh Evans’ account the night before she took her own life. This was the message saying that he had heard that Megan was mean to her friends. Michele indicated that her daughter had been encouraged to “join in on the joke.” She also said that her child was feeling extremely guilty for sending the message & not saying something sooner. She said she hadn’t come forward sooner because she knew the Drew family for years & felt because they were trusted adults, what they were doing must be okay.
On the night that the ambulance was called for Megan, Michele’s daughter received a call from Lori Drew, who had created the Josh Evans’ account. She called to tell the girl that something had happened to Megan & told her not to mention anything about the MySpace account. After dealing with the shock of this new information, this same day, Curt & Lori tried to talk to the Meiers. Ron asked friends to tell them to leave them alone before he physically harmed them. The Meiers had been storing a foosball table in their garage for the Drews that they planned to give their children as a Christmas present; Ron & Tina used an ax & a sledgehammer & hacked it into bits. They dumped the pieces into a box that Tina had spray painted “Merry Christmas” on & left it in the Drews’ front yard.
Lori called the police & in her report indicated that she wanted to inform law enforcement about a neighborhood dispute. In this report, Lori admitted to being actively involved in the Josh Evans hoax. She told police that she felt that this incident contributed to Megan’s suicide but that she did not feel ‘as guilty’ since at the funeral, she found out that Megan had tried to commit suicide in the past. This was not true.
In a letter dated November 30, 2006, Curt & Lori wrote to the Meiers: We are sorry for the extreme pain you are going through & can only imagine how difficult it must be. We have every compassion for you & your family.
In January, the Drews filed a complaint, indicating that Ron drove by while they were shoveling the driveway & shouted, “Who are you gonna kill today?” Ron was charged with a misdemeanor for performing a “lawn job” on their front yard though he denies this.
For nearly a year, based on police advice, Ron & Tina stayed quiet about what they’d learned that day about the Drews’ involvement in their daughter’s death. After an investigation, it was determined that despite their actions being cruel, the Drews hadn’t broken any laws. According to the Drews’ testimony, they created the Josh Evans account with the purpose of finding out if Megan was making unkind remarks about their daughter. Apparently, Megan had previously called their daughter a “lesbian.” Communication with Megan through this account was aimed at gaining Megan’s confidence so they could find out what Megan felt of their daughter & other people. A police officer initially wrote that Lori Drew had “instigated” & “monitored” the account though she later contends that this is not accurate, saying she only agreed to the idea. She says that her daughter & Ashley Grills who worked for a direct-mail business that the Drews ran from their home, initiated. Reports indicate that Ashley Grills has been hospitalized for psychiatric care as a result of the case.
Josh Evans was created carefully to exploit Megan’s vulnerabilities; his photo stolen from a handsome teenage boy, he was said to listen to Rascal Flatts, Korn & Nickelback. He liked tongue piercings & being nibbled on the ear. His bio indicated that his dad left him, his older brother, newborn brother & his mom when he was seven. His goal was to meet a great girl with long brown hair & in regards to the girl’s weight, “Don’t really matter.” Tina was very specific with Megan that if Josh asked to meet Megan in person, their friendship would be deleted.
The Drews maintained through a lawyer that all messages sent from Josh to Megan were positive until the last twenty-four hours. However, there were strange interactions within the twenty-nine days that they exchanged messages. At one time, Megan asked Josh for his phone number & he replied that he didn’t have a phone. On another occasion, Josh asked Megan if she wanted to touch his pet snake & this alarmed Tina. In the meantime, Megan felt that her mom’s interpretation of the offer was gross. One day, Tina was online & Josh messaged her, believing it to be Megan. This was Ashley Grills pretending to be Josh; Ashley was a recent high school graduate who was said to be one of Josh’s most active online impersonators. Tina wrote saying that she felt Josh was too old for her daughter & Josh apologized & quickly logged off.
Tina called the police to try to find out if Josh was legitimate but was unable to be sure. Megan then wrote to Josh, “Hey, my mom contacted the po-po to see if you were real or not.” Josh responded with something indicating that her mom just wanted to protect her. This would later be seen as a red flag since a typical teenager might respond, “What a bitch.”
Despite Tina’s concerns, she was thrilled to see her daughter happy & excited from the interaction & compliments she was receiving from Josh. Lori Drew has shown little remorse & through a lawyer has contended that she is an undeserving victim of an “avalanche of criticism.” Reports indicate that Lori was aware of the MySpace account though never sent any messages to Megan or anyone else using the account. She was reportedly unaware of any mean, nasty or negative comments that were made by anyone against Megan until after Megan took her own life.
The Drews assumed what some would describe as a bunker mentality, Curt getting in his minivan & backing down the driveway to check his mail. Someone threw a brick through their kitchen window, the side of their house was splattered with paintballs & their daughter stopped attending school. Local residents were extremely shocked & angered to realize what happened before Megan took her own life. Ultimately the Drews ended up moving away. There was a unanimous vote that the town’s Board of Aldermen had passed for Ordinance No. 1228 “providing for the offenses of harassment & cyberharassment within the city of Dardenne Prairie, Missouri.” Vengeance was even worse online as people pursued the Drews; on message boards, their home address & Curt’s work address was listed, someone hacked into Lori’s voicemail. When Sarah Drew testified, she admitted that she knew that her former friend was fragile & at risk for committing suicide. She said that she was “devastated” about Megan’s death but when asked if she had “any role in the fact that Megan is no longer here,” she replied without hesitation, “No.”
On December 3, after review of the case, it was determined that no charges would be brought & the Drews are conclusively guilty of little except egregious judgment that set off a chain of horrible events & deep insensitivity in their aftermath. The Meiers don’t hold Ashley Gillis nor Michele Mulford’s daughter responsible. Ron remembers that around the time that Megan died, she was the happiest she’d been in her life. After years of wearing braces, she was scheduled to have them removed on the day that she died. She was also excited for her upcoming birthday & party. She & Tina had gone shopping & bought a new dress for Megan who wanted to make a grand entrance at her party. Heartbreakingly, Ron wasn’t able to see Megan in her new dress until her funeral.
The FBI also analyzed the case, conducting interviews & reviewing the family computer. The issue was that the FBI wasn’t able to retrieve the electronic messages from Megan’s final day which included the last message that only Ron saw. The Meiers don’t plan to file a civil lawsuit but they want laws changed at a state or federal level so that what happened to Megan, at the hands of an adult, will be considered a crime. In November of 2008, Lori was convicted of three misdemeanor counts of unauthorized access to computers for violating MySpace’s terms of service. She faced up to three years in prison & a $300,000 fine for what prosecutors referred to as a “scheme to humiliate” Megan which they felt Megan’s suicide was the “direct result” of Lori’s “vindictive assault.” Because the criminal case involved the use of MySpace’s computer servers, Lori’s lawyers argued that Ron & Tina shouldn’t be able to speak at the sentencing. Federal law gives victims the right to speak at sentencing though he felt that under the law, they weren’t victims & if anybody was, it was MySpace.
Ashley Grills testified that Lori felt that the use of the MySpace account was a funny idea & she was present about half the time when she & Sarah Drew sent messages to Megan. Despite Lori denying sending any of the messages, Ashley testified that she had written some. It was Ashley who sent the final message telling Megan that the world would be a better place without her in it. She later spoke with Good Morning America & said that she’d sent the message in an effort to end the fake online relationship with Josh because she felt the joke had gone too far. She began feeling uneasy about the hoax when Megan started voicing interest in meeting Josh Evans. She said that Lori suggested that they set up a meet up with Megan so they could go to the location & laugh at her but Ashley felt this was wrong.
Ashley indicated that when they learned of Megan’s suicide, she was in shock; Curt, meanwhile, was yelling at them to delete the MySpace account which they did. She said after, they just sat down & didn’t say anything until Lori advised her to keep quiet about the whole situation. Once people became aware, Ashley started receiving messages & threats, people encouraging her to commit suicide. She herself was hospitalized after attempting suicide & in a 2008 interview, she indicated that she rarely ever leaves her house. She said that she once viewed Lori as a mother figure though now has a lot of anger toward her as she feels she made her the scapegoat.
On July 2, 2009, a federal judge tentatively overturned guilty verdicts against Lori, issuing a directed acquittal on three misdemeanor charges. The judge felt that if Lori is found guilty of illegally accessing computers, anyone who has ever violated the social networking site’s terms of service would be found guilty of a misdemeanor. In September of 2009, the case was officially dismissed.
Tina was furious about the decision & felt that Lori deserved the life sentence that her family had been given after losing Megan. She feels that Lori played a ridiculous game with her daughter’s life. Since Megan’s death, at least 45 states have changed harassment laws to include cyberbullying since at the time of her death, Missori law didn’t cover internet harassment.
Since Megan’s death Tina & Ron have divorced; Ron knows that Tina was a vigilant parent in monitoring Megan online yet she blames herself. Ron struggles daily with the loss of his daughter & remembers how no matter how low she felt, she always tried to make others happy. Tina gave up her career as a real estate agent & In December of 2007, she founded the Megan Meier Foundation to help support & inspire actions to end bullying, cyberbullying & suicide & has dedicated her life to informing children, parents, school officials, police & anyone who will listen, about the dangers of bullying & cyberbullying. Tina has learned a great deal from all of her traveling & speaking engagements & believes that the best way to stop bullying is for students to step up & call out the bully & this takes education. With this education comes helping kids realize that the power of words can be difficult to see online since you can’t see the reaction of the person on the receiving end. The anonymity can also make people bolder than they would be in person.
Parents are urged to monitor their children’s activity online, set expectations for online behavior, and place your computer in a central location where monitoring can be done more easily. If your teen has been cyberbullied, save the evidence which would be needed for reporting purposes.
If you are in the United States & you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis or emotional distress, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (formerly known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) offers 24/7 call, text & chat access to trained crisis counselors. We will also link resources for international suicide hotlines.
References:
- The New Yorker: Friend Game
- Megan Meier Foundation
- Springfield News-Leader: Pokin Around: The Story of Megan Meier’s suicide
- abc News: Exclusive: Teen talks about her role in web hoax that led to suicide
- abc News: Lori Drew MySpace suicide hoax conviction thrown out
- Wired: Judge acquits Lori Drew in cyberbullying case, overrules jury
- MySpace mom: 20 year term not enough
- Phys.org: Cyberbullying case brings big changes
- Open Counseling: International Suicide Hotlines
- SAMHSA: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- Wired: Lori Drew’s daughter ‘devastated’ by friend’s suicide but doesn’t feel responsible
